and choosing to move

I nearly didn’t go. Sometimes when you fly solo and there’s no one waiting for you at the other end it's easier to duck motivation than track it down, especially on Mondays.

I parked by the fish market and walked along Packenham Street West, past all the beautiful old warehouses and smart new offices. There was a buzz around the place; the overnight shift kicking in at the fish-processing plant, early evening joggers enjoying the cooler air and office workers strolling home or to the bus stop. I imagined I'd be wading through the wave break if this were me a hundred years ago ... (I'm all for mini micro adventures wherever possible). The streets felt alive and the vibe jollied me up after a day of screens.

www.gridakl.co.nz

At number 132 Halsey Street, on the corner, stands GRID / AKL, a wonderful open, communal working space with very colourful floor cushions. When I arrived there were people already milling, scented candles scattered around the place, glowing away, three tiers of beautiful cupcakes beckoning, and bottles of juice glistening in ice buckets for anyone a tad thirsty.

That’s a jolly nice welcome for anyone, at anytime, ever.

But most importantly, there were loads of people arriving – men and women, young and old (not to mention a gorgeous baby) – to share their desire for more, good conversation, real talk, and to feel entirely communal in that.

How rad.

www.womenscollective.co.nz

Women’s Collective is an inspirational once-a-month meet-up of like minds, and not-like minds, all believing in a purpose, a movement, to ‘foster conversations about global issues that affect our community’ and most powerfully ‘to create a better world’.

I’ve felt crippled by feelings of powerlessness many times in my life, of not feeling able to really influence and shape ‘a better world’. Especially in my thirties, when the glorious, energising power of ‘I shall change the world’ started to wobble. Or when I realised The Novel That Would Change The World might be stuck in my head forever or hiding out in north west Wales, where I’ve never been and possibly now will never go. Or the very individual powerlessness that comes when a personal relationship fails, when one is bereft, and so very alone in that loss, for a time. 

'Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself. Rumi.'

I've learnt to seek out ways to make my contribution – of time, energy, intent – and confound some of that helpless/hopelessness. Choosing to do something is powerful, especially when you give yourself a moment to realise it. So I chose to haul ass and listen to Richie Hardcore talk about his work, life and beliefs.

Richie talked about the normalisation of alcohol and drug abuse, sexual exploitation and misrepresentation, the lack of any healthy discussion around consent, of sexual violence, of porn. All deeply embedded in the mainstream. And all part of the vicious circle that lies at the pit of rape culture. He also talked about his straight edge lifestyle, his belief in vegetarianism and his current life project of avoiding refined sugar. (He readily and charmingly admits he could be considered the worst possible person to ever invite to dinner.) His style is non-preachy and his passion and drive are powerful, for sure, but he is as flawed as the rest of us, and that humility felt solid. For a talk that was as confronting as it was, there was a stack of humour to boot, which felt profoundly humane and deeply refreshing, providing real and much needed moments of relief.

I doubt there was a person in the room who hadn’t been impacted in some way by drug or alcohol abuse, directly or indirectly – and I doubt there were many who drove home thinking about much else.

I wept on the way home.

People can act horrifically under the influence, they can rip their lives apart, or those of people around them, or they can make silly, dumb mistakes, say the wrong thing at the wrong time, turn up drunk or as hungover as hell and make experiences less meaningful or enjoyable because of their inability to engage or be anywhere near their fullest and brightest – we’ve all been there, either right on the coalface or wielding the big old sledgehammer. And there’s something very powerful about asking whether we really want this to be our reality.

This guy was standing up and saying out loud that this does happen and it’s shit and something has got to change. We all know about alcohol abuse, which of course can and does lead to all sorts of other abuse, but how much do we accept it inherently as just a normal part of life? Most of us have probably had things happen to us, to varying degrees, and if you’re a woman then, most probably, at some point in your life, a drunken man (at worst someone you shared your heart with) has said or done something you still think about in your quieter, darker times, that is a part of who you are today.

But rather than crack on with life as usual and deal with the past by living, in whatever way that means for each of us, there seemed a very tangible moment when everyone 'stepped back' and acknowledged that yeah, this really fucking sucks and it’s shit that I/he/she/they has/have to deal with it. And that’s good. This is not business as usual. I wept for that. Because this is not how it needs to be.

Do we want our kids, or their kids, to be as exposed to alcohol abuse as we are, where it’s as ‘normal’ as a model (yes you, Heidi) or rugby stars selling us fast food by the bucket, or where sexual violence is just an accepted given? Like this: 

Or this? http://genius.com/Play-n-skillz-literally-i-cant-stfu-lyrics#note-4354627

I’ve come across the phrase ‘the unexamined life is not worth living’ many times, and I concur to the fullest, even when what you see and hear and feel is deeply confronting. This particular evening was no different, and Richie, I think, is to be applauded for swimming so hard against the mainstream (even if it means having to concede and play the game at times, as we all do).

There’s a wonderful thing about events like this one, whose soul and vibe (I am referring to this, quite appropriately I think, as a living, breathing thing) is determined by the intent of a wonderful, visionary few, and defined and shaped ever more so by the acceptance and openness of the majority who attend, by all of those who choose to bring and give their energy. 

And I think the world is a better place for it. 

If you’d like to try it on for size, you can find out more about the collective here.

And Richie Hardcore is mostly here, here and here.